To experience Love, you have to separate yourself from it. When you are the embodiment or the expression of love, there is no experience. Absorption in Love is not something that is experienced .. but the experience is the subjective remembering of one's reactions.
Love will be convulsive - or not at all
The love which is familiar to the western perspective and vocabulary .. is an interchange of energies .. of giving and receiving .. where there is a distinct giver and a distinct receiver.
the sadness and joys of the carousel pony
As it is known .. or experienced .. the knower or the experiencer is separate from the experience. To experience Love, you have to separate yourself from it.
When you are the embodiment or the expression of love, there is no experience.
The experience of Love is merely your mind's recall of past images, sights, sounds tastes and smells. It is not happening now.
Love of or for some person or object is a reactive or convulsive love because the lover experiences some sense of either fulfilment or unfulfillment through the two way transference of energy .. primarily through separating the observer from the experience ..
This is also the experience of the beloved .. or the object of this love.
It's OK to cry
It's okay to cry, and there is no reason to feel ashamed of your tears. Crying helps us to let go of pain, allows us to be gentle with ourselves, and finally helps us to heal.
In our society, men in particular have been taught not to cry, to put a brave face on things when they get hurt and not show that they are in pain. But women can fall into this trap too, and all of us at one time or another might feel that the only way to survive is to close off our feelings and emotions so we can't be hurt again.
If our pain is particularly deep, we might even try to hide it from ourselves. This can make us frozen, rigid, because deep down we know that one small break in the ice will free the hurt to start circulating through us again.
We are miserable because we are too much in the our idea - our needs, wants, expectations and desires. We see ourselves as separate.
We can either be in the state of being-ness or you can be in the self - both are not possible together. To be in the self means to be apart, to be separate. To be in the self means to become an island. To be in the self means to draw a boundary line around you. To be in the self means to make a distinction between 'this I am' and 'that I am not'.
The definition, the boundary, between "I" and "not I" is what the self is - the self isolates. And it makes you frozen - you are no longer flowing. You are convulsive.
If you are flowing the self cannot exist.
The Essence of Love beyond Love
Sometimes it happens that you become one, in some rare moment. Watch the ocean, the tremendous wildness of it and suddenly you forget your split, your schizophrenia; you relax. You fall together. Or, listening to beautiful music, you fall together.
Whenever, in whatsoever situation, you become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds you, arises in you. You feel fulfilled. Then you move beyond the experience to become the experience. Time stops.
There is no need to wait for these moments--these moments can become your natural life. These extraordinary moments can become ordinary moments. You can live an extraordinary life in a very ordinary life: cutting wood, chopping wood, carrying water from the well, you can be tremendously at ease with yourself. Cleaning the floor, cooking food, washing the clothes, you can be perfectly at ease--because the whole question is of you doing your action totally, enjoying, delighting in it.
Within the Sanskrit, there are something like 43 different phonetic combinations which are translated into the English word .. love. But, also within the Sanskrit, there is also a state of consciousness which is not emotive .. a state which is beyond action and reaction beyond giving and taking .. beyond need and fulfilment.
It is perhaps described as a state of sharing without expectation without fulfilment, without need, without reward .. without any sensual response .. because the person is sharing their state of beingness from a perception or position of "fullness of self".
Absorption is not something that is experienced .. but the experience is the remembering of one's separation from that state. In this state of consciousness, the sharing is all embracing .. some might call it "unconditional love" ..
But, this is incomplete .. because it is not even a sharing ..
It's like saying a fire shares its heat .. the fire does not know it is hot ..
nor does it seek to radiate ..
yet the radiation of that heat which warms those who come into its proximity
is the property or "beingness" of that fire .. which burns, but does not burn itself ..
Yet, when one is, in consciousness, "one with the fire" there is no experience of burning, nor is there any experience of heat .. nor are there any physical scars left on the body ..
(and this is beyond .. way beyond the "fire walking" stuff)
To translate .. This is Love that is not love because it cannot be known .. nor can it be experienced .. for to know or to experience is to be separate from ..
True love is the state of oneness beyond separation of identity. There is no "you" within the relationship .. whether that relationship is with your self or with another. There is only the indivisible I.