Christopher's Notebook

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: Reflections - Index
  My Stormy Search for Self

· A Meditation on
  several glasses of Home Brew

· A Transpersonal metaphor
  of a Journey through Life

· Searching for Meaning
  A Shattered Mind Learns

· My search for the beloved
  Love's search for Self

· Compassion & Experience
  Therapist or Terrorist

· The Master and the Disciple
  Searching for a Teacher

· Life, Love and Learning
  The Essence of the Dance

· These things I have learned

::  A Plain Man's Autobiography 
    and Personal Process Notes


The origin of the word "Therapy" is from the Greek "therapeutos"
or Priest-Healer

Transpersonal Therapy 
The Anatomy of a Spritual Therapist

Therapy cannot be learned - only the tools can be.
A Therapist can only provide Therapy for client as far as he or she
has resolved their own particular inner disharmony through self-therapy..

Compassion is born of Experience

Have you ever faced a situation where the whole of your life has collapsed
around you. You have no one you can relate to, no roots, no parents -
no identity and nothing has meaning. I have, on several occasions. I have faced death, too  - and 3 times I have been pronounced clinically dead.

I've taken a long hard look at my own life in the light of my own experiences of it ..
and through reflections found in sharing the experiences of many others during the time I have worked as a Transpersonal Therapist.

When nothing matters any more, there are infinite possibilities.

When nothing matters any more, it is very easy to stand on an overhead railway
bridge and contemplate jumping in front of a speeding express train. I got dragged back from that one by a prostitute who, for the first time in my life, non judgementally allowed me to cry like there was no tomorrow.

14 years or so ago, I faced another choice between having a look at who I thought I was (or was not) and joining many others as a homeless drunk in the back streets of Sydney. Interestingly, as I was later to find out, 90% of the so called "derelicts" of society were formerly successful professional people - many very highly educated - many were therapists. Their world had collapsed also. Like me, there was no one to turn to.

Therapeutic Practice

Sure, there were plenty with advice on how I should live my life - plenty who wanted to tell me all about this marvelous "God". Some even wanted to fill me up with pills .. Love and Light .. well I had plenty of that dumped on me!

Talk, talk, talk .. all they ever did was talk. Oh how they professed their concern
for me. But .. not one of them ever bothered to hear what I had to say.

Sure, these practicing therapists listened to what they thought I was saying .. and then jumped in with their textbook prescribed parroting without waiting for me to complete my heart felt expression.

Repressed pain and personal suffering can turn a victim into a martyr in the profession with an ideal of self-less service.

One learns, as a client, to hide one's true feelings in the face of such self righteousness from the therapist. One learns to be cunning in order to survive.

It would have been very easy to get hooked on the idealised vision of any fanatic who gave me a sense of identity and purpose to my self.

The Anatomy of Not-Therapy

The liver that has sufficient toxins in it can convert adrenaline into an overpowering strength to overcome all sensibilities - especially in a situation where nothing mattered any more.

Those who have experienced a kidney stone attack understand the meaning of pain. I silently experienced my second in an aeroplane flying through turbulence of a thunderstorm between Bombay and London - but past experience allowed me to deal with it. The stewardess, on the other hand, had difficulty with me practicing yoga postures in the economy class aisle - and the surgeons at a London Hospital couldn't understand how I could walk into Emergency.

This is the power of the mind to control the pain of the body -
the silent suffering of the conscious denial and forgetting of a deep inner pain.

As I look back on some past situations, I can see that I would have had no conscience against taking a gun and laying siege before I took my own life. The unconscious unwitting, repressed by usurped power and authority, knows no concept of good nor evil. This is the breeding ground for fanaticism.

The act that some call revenge becomes very real as a possible reaction. Trauma can be a catalyst which turns deep seated grief and resentment into unreasonable and unreasoned anger.

Resolving the inner pain

Cunning is a learned survival behaviour against oppression. It is a conditioned response of a body to cope with a deep inner pain. Cunning is something that the mind learns to use against itself.

For me, it all started when authority, in the form of a religion, supported by the Government, took me away from my mother and father. Then another authority kept my infant body bound tightly in starched sheets until I died.

But I wasn't allowed to die - they pumped me full of the blood of someone else to give me life. Another unknown mother and father.

What was the life of the person who donated the blood? What adult emotions were pumped into my infant male body? They allowed my twin sister to die.

Transpersonal Therapy

The study of my self and all of the personalities that motivate this body has been the fruit of my choosing to study Transpersonal Psychology and Psychotherapy. Many of my friends and clients have provided me with the greatest gift of all as they came into my life as reflections of those hidden parts of my own personalities - those parts of me that I kept hidden - even from my self..

One of those teachers was the first man that I ever respected - because he took the time to hear me, he allowed me to hear him - and myself. He also showed me I had a centre in the eye of the hurricane.

Through going inwards, I was able to start reconnecting the fragments. I was able to allow a remembering of events that I had buried deeply from myself and others because I had been taught to act secretively by my adoptive parents - hiding the truth of what I was really doing (and feeling) to avoid being beaten.

They were just another authority figure usurping their power by exercising their own anger and resentment in the face of a mirror of their own childhood victim. When I was 7, they gave my baby sister away because she was "too much trouble".

Of course, I was too young to understand that then. So they thought.

The Therapy of Re-member-ing

But I have remembered. I have reconnected a lot of the fragments of the seeming chaos of the time. Once the inner conflicts found resolution, there was no need for forgiveness. There was nothing to forgive.

What those people from the past had done was provide me with the start and the impetus to gain an understanding .. with the understanding, the conflicts dissolved and no one needed to forgive anyone. To them I am grateful.

But, most of all, I am grateful to the seed of life itself which I found within my self. From that came the deepest understanding. Within that understanding I found my own self-therapy. For me, at many times in my life, it could have gone either way. It's a very fine line between terrorist and therapist.

No God had anything to do with it - I have learned to trust in myself and my knowing so that I am no longer an alien or foreigner in my own body.

I am who I am .. and how others view me no longer matters because, having been where they are, I can look through their eyes with compassion.

And yes, I have pulled the mangled bodies of victims from the wreckage of both motor vehicle accidents and natural disasters - then gone back as a counselor to the survivors and relatives.

Spiritual Therapy and the Compassion of a Transpersonal Therapist


08 Oct 2003 - Copyright 1998-2003 Transpersonal Lifestreams - Disclaimer - Privacy

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