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Often we do not take time for ourselves. We do not get time to marshal our thoughts and they get piled up on top of one another .. and we are underneath them. Sometimes we deny the thoughts we have, and often there are words we would like to say which we dare not for one reason or another.

Cutting the ties letter

This exercise I have found beneficial in relieving guilt, grief, frustration and stress suffered by people in many circumstances, including relationship issues etc. It can be used to good effect to say goodbye to loved ones who have died.

For those who choose to try it, this is the most effective method I have found. It simply involves writing a letter to the person at issue .. over a period of 4 days. At the end of the four days, the letter should be burnt and offered as a prayer of reconciliation to your self as well as the person to whom you have written.

Remember, this letter is a personal communication between you, yourself and the other person. It should be shown to no one .. not even the other person. 

Releasing some of the hidden attachments and dependencies

There are a few simple guidelines:

  1. This exercise is for your benefit only. It should not be used to manipulate or influence any other person in any way - even for what you consider may be their own "good". To do so is a violation of their integrity and this will be reflected straight back to you.
  2. If you are using the exercise to get in touch with inner child memories, or memories from a young age, it can be of benefit to write with your non-dominant hand. ie: if you normally write with your right hand, then use the left as well for this exercise as it will more freely release that which is beyond your conscious forgetting.
    Often it is possible to develop a distinct communication between the "personalities" that are writing through each hand.
  3. It can be beneficial to write at a regular time each day (once per day is sufficient, more often if you feel like it).
  4. A minimum of 10 minutes should be set aside for each session.
  5. A better result can be obtained by putting pen to paper rather than fingers to keyboard.
  6. If you can't think of anything to write, "I can't think of anything to say".. its surprising what words can come from this.
  7. Try and be honest. Allow yourself to express all your feelings - even those you have been told you shouldn't have.
  8. Make sure that all of the thoughts, feelings and emotions which come up are directed to the paper you are writing on, not to the other person. This is about your perceptions, and your unconscious memories. If you consciously or willfully direct them towards the other person, then they will be mirrored right back to you.
  9. Do not cross out anything you have written .. if you feel to do that, have a look at what you are in denial about.
  10. At the end of each writing session, put the pen/pencil and the letter away in a safe place.
  11. At the beginning of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th sessions, reread carefully what you have written in the previous session/s and add anything else you might feel to say.
  12. At the end of the 4th session, reread all that you have written, and then allow words of reconciliation/prayer whatever to flow. At this point you should burn all that you have written and allow the prayer/your breath to release the thoughts and feelings that have been bound up inside you.
  13. After burning the letter, it may be beneficial to have a drink of water or go for a short walk outside.

This exercise has been taken from a standard counseling practice and modified slightly. It can be very powerful in assisting the writer to find a fresh outlook and a new courage in stressful situations


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"Cutting the ties that bind and releasing hidden attachments"
was written, published and © Transpersonal LifeStreams®, Tasmania, Australia.
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